Te Rongopai DVD
Dr Stuart Lange presents a five-part series documenting the story of the Gospel in New Zealand from Samuel Marsden forwards – its impact, the complications, and the way Christianity has had a significant impact in shaping New Zealand society both then and now. DVD: 65 mins in 5 chapters
14-15 May 2019
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Andy and I aren’t qualified marriage counsellors, but we invest a lot of our time coaching couples in trouble. We love seeing couples grow back together again. However, last year, after many hours with one couple, the husband made a comment that made us realise it was not going to end well. He said, “I just don’t trust her”.
He wasn’t talking about his wife being unfaithful. Over the course of their married life together he’d felt betrayed time and time again until his trust had been eroded to the point that he felt his heart wasn’t safe with her.
I wanted to know when he had first started shutting his heart down to her, and what had occurred to make him do so, but he couldn’t tell me. Sadly, in this case, they didn’t make it.
Trustworthiness is essential in marriage. Our hearts have to feel safe with one another, don’t they?
John Gottman, relationship ‘master’, believes that in marriage, we’re all quietly asking the same questions:
So how do we build trust so that our hearts remain open and we feel safe?
Gottman, says trust is built in the small interactions of everyday life; when we choose to ‘turn towards’ our spouse in daily moments.
Every time a couple interacts they have a choice to either ‘turn toward’ or ‘turn away’ from their spouse. Each time a couple ‘turns toward’ they are building trust.
Let me give you a personal example from my own life.
We had some friends coming over for dinner and I was enjoying preparing them a special meal. Andy was in the study working on the computer, and I knew he was waiting on some blood results and was worried. As I headed into the study to get my recipe book I heard Andy groan “Uh oh”.
I remember in that split second thinking, “I really don’t want to deal with your health issues right now. Maybe I could just pretend I didn’t hear that and just sneak back down to the kitchen.”
But because I work at FamilyLife and travel around NZ teaching this stuff :), I checked my attitude. You see, I knew in that moment, I had a choice to either turn towards Andy, or turn away.
I walked into the study, put my arm around his shoulder and asked, “Tell me the bad news.” I was so glad I did because in that very moment Andy needed my support and reassurance. He needed to know that, once again, I will be there for him and that he can trust me with whatever “uh oh’s” come our way.
Can I encourage you, rather than turn away from your partner in those small difficult moments, instead choose to ‘turn toward’. It will build trustworthiness in marriage which is an antidote to conflict and foundational to healthy happy marriages that last.
Help for Today. Hope for Tomorrow – visit FAMILYLIFE NZ
Jules Riding has travelled extensively throughout New Zealand and many countries with music ministry for more than twenty years, continuing this summer with a tour around New Zealand, before embarking on his European tour. See the listing for tour details...
(+64) 27 218 9384
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(09) 636 4763
Elevate Christian Disability Trust
Scripture in Song has turned 50. Worship, as it was back in 1968, took a radical turn through pioneers and worship leaders David and Dale Garrett. "Come with us as we and some of our friends both local and international, worship God together, share treasures and pass on how we interpreted the original legacy of God’s word to us, “lead the people to me”. When we first began Scripture in Song this was a simple but clear mandate."...
Scripture in Song
This new webinar series is a stimulating training resource for the ongoing development of leaders, practitioners, and volunteers.
Our focus is on what you need to learn right now: material that will resource you in your current leadership and volunteer roles.
MARCH - Culture: God, humanity, and the project of Creation
APRIL - Old Testament: The Prophets (an introduction)
MAY - Pastoral Care: The local church
JUNE - New Testament: Reading the Gospels well
JULY - Youth: The Gospel and the next generation
AUGUST - Mission: Households in Mission in Acts and Today
SEPTEMBER - History: Fighting for Peace (the...
Carey Centre for Lifelong Learning
+64 9 526 6362
A FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Getaway is a marriage conference uniquely designed to help you and your partner escape the daily grind and focus on your relationship. For most couples, it’s a chance to reconnect, re-establish the foundation and rekindle romance. For others, it’s a fresh start. For some, it will be the weekend that saves a marriage.
By learning and applying timeless principles for a healthy marriage from our trained team of speakers, you and your partner can: - connect with each other at a closer level - improve the way you communicate - anticipate conflict and handle it...
0800 800 680
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